Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday Morons: Those pants are supposed to cover your butt

I am not dead, I just haven't posted in a while. I will have to do a catch-up post soon.

Anyway, I had to go to the bank. Actually, I had to go to two different banks. The first one has limited parking, but a Taco Bell has just opened next door, and at three in the afternoon it has a lot of empty parking spaces. So I figured that I would park at the Taco Bell, run into the bank, and then go to the Taco Bell and have a snack.

So I got some money from the bank and went to the Taco Bell. I hadn't realized til then that I was even hungry. I ordered a drink and a taco and while I'm waiting for them to make the taco I get a couple of napkins and some hot sauce and a straw and all of that sort of thing. And there is this guy doing pretty much the same thing, and I don't much look at him or pay any attention to him.

This is a bad habit, but I'm sure that most women understand. You don't look at people, and you for sure do not make eye contact with people. You especially do not make eye contact with guys. And you really, really do not make eye contact with random guys while you are alone. If you make eye contact with people, then they might start talking to you, and I don't want to talk to anyone. And I really, really do not want to talk to random guys while I'm alone. I just want to have a soda and eat my taco in peace and then leave and get on with my errands.

So, I know that this is a bad habit. I don't look at people, and I especially don't look at random guys while I'm alone. So, if two minutes later, the police come in looking for someone, even if they have a picture of the random guy that was just there, I wouldn't be able to say that I had seen him. While I was up getting my food and such, I took no notice of him at all, other than to register that someone else was there and move around him.

Now, once I had sat down with my food, and the other people in the restaurant had also sat down at other tables with their food, then maybe it is a little bit safer to look around. Cause, unless someone recognizes me from someplace else, they probably won't get up from their table and leave their food just to come talk to me. So I'm looking around a bit, though still not making eye contact with anyone.

The random guy that I didn't look at earlier is sitting at a table with his back to me. This is one of those newer tables that is really tall with bar stools around it. And he is in the middle of the room, so regardless of where you are sitting, if you aren't facing the other direction, you can see him.

And it is starting to get a bit cool around here, but this guy apparently didn't get the memo, so while he's put on a jacket he's still wearing summer clothing, so the rest of his outfit was sandals and thin knee-length shorts. And I guess the elastic in the shorts is not so elastic anymore, cause he's doing the plumber imitation without even bending over. The quarter-slot is exposed to the rest of the restaurant.

And then I notice that the quarter-slot is for a really big quarter. Pretty much most of his butt is hanging out.

I'm glad that I didn't notice that last bit until I was mostly finished eating. I decide that I need to leave soon. I think that he's kind of creepy looking, and that he doesn't care that he's showing everyone his hairy butt. In fact, I think that he must be doing it on purpose. Some of his skin is actually touching the chair, so there's no way that he doesn't know what he's doing.

I suppose that you're supposed to call the police or something, but the police probably have better things to do. I have better things to do. I still had to go to another bank and run to Walmart and a few other places. I left.

Let the people working at the Taco Bell call the police. Besides, the creepy guy was probably just wanting attention, and he wasn't going to get more of that from me.


Absurdist said...

Okay. Blogger really needs to get "like" button. This is hilarious!

laughingattheslut said...

Where have you been?

And surely you have some naked-butt stories from your new home. Or perhaps there it is acceptable to beat some sense into these people, and you just don't see that sort of thing often.

Ananda girl said...


Hey... today you can get two free Tacos at Jack In The Box after two in the afternoon. (Nov.16th) You don't need a coupon.

dmarks said...

'Surd! Long time no see. And yes I still do check your blog.

Laughingatthecrack: I've not been to Taco Bell in ages. I was thinking as I read. the bar stools? Sounds like they try to decorate them a little better now. And then Rump-hole for the Bailey arrives and sets up court. No, I don't think I'm going back to a Taco Bell for a while.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Like dmarks, I haven't been to Taco Bell in ages. Why do I suddenly have a hankering for a taco?