Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sometimes I just want to scream, What the f*** is wrong with you?

I've had a fight with someone today. I tried to avoid the fight. I felt a fight coming and asked that person to just go away for a while and leave me alone. That would have to happen sooner or later anyway, we both have things to do and cannot just spend the whole day doing basically nothing. So when I don't feel well and feel like if I have to stay around this person much longer we'll end up fighting, why can't the other person just go away and give me an hour or so to myself?

I think that some people just know when that sort of thing is coming and just get a feeling that they should leave. Not that they're always right, not that maybe you shouldn't say something like would it be better if I gave you some space, etc.... Other people just don't seem to sense that sort of thing at all and have to be told, leave me alone for now, go away before I say something that I'll regret, etc....

But this person doesn't get it even after I've said, you were planning to leave in about an hour anyway, and I don't feel well, and if you would just go go ahead and leave now it would probably be best.


Because I don't want to fight, and I don't feel well now, and I felt bad yesterday, so if you'd just go ahead and leave now before we get into anything maybe we won't end up having a fight.

Why did you feel bad yesterday? When did you feel bad yesterday?

You really don't know, do you? You really don't have a clue, do you? Please, I don't want to get into it now, so could you just go ahead and go?

The person doesn't leave and again asks what happened yesterday, after I've already said I don't want to talk about it. And again I say something like don't you already know? That's a simple enough question requiring a yes or no answer, or maybe admitting I don't know, or maybe guessing what it might be. And that's if the person is even going to answer the question instead of just leaving when asked to do so. But no appropriate answer was given, and instead it was followed by five minutes or so of nonsense trying to mask the fact that the person doesn't have a clue. Just say, I'm sorry, I don't know what's bothering you, and be done with it.

So the person didn't leave, and said a bunch more things to upset me. Not that the things said were that bad, just that this person knows me well enough to know that is the wrong thing to say to me when I am upset. And, as if the person didn't already know not to say that, I said don't say that, you know how it upsets me. The same thing was said again less than a minute later, and two or three more times before the person decided to leave.

While I was wanting the person to leave before I got really upset, before we were fighting, now that I'm already upset there is no point in leaving. Leaving in the middle of a fight just upsets me more, which the person knows very well, and even if the person didn't know any better I said that it was too late and leaving now would just make things worse. I said that like four times, and the person was still leaving. And it wasn't that the person didn't understand or didn't hear me. The person finally lied to me and said something like okay, I'm not really going, I just have to do something and I'll be right back.

And for several minutes I actually sat there and waited. Maybe something was needed from the car, or maybe something was taken to the car, or maybe a phone call was being made, etc.... So I actually sat there, and then I got curious and got up and walked around a bit, and then I saw that the car was gone. And even then it took me about half an hour to figure out that the person hadn't just gone up the road to drop of a package or check the mail or a number of other things mentioned before the fight, the person wasn't coming back, that we were not going to shake hands and agree to disagree or agree to discuss things at a better time or any of that. The person just left in the middle of a fight, nothing resolved, knowing how much it would hurt me.

So after having this thing going around in my head all day yesterday, now I will have this other thing going around in my head all day today. And the person I had the fight with knew that. And the person wouldn't leave when asked to leave, and wouldn't stay when asked to stay, and has told me yet one more lie and has broken yet one more agreement. So this must have been done deliberately to hurt me, because I cannot believe that anyone could be so stupid.

This is one of the reasons I never seem to get anything done. It just seems to me that whenever I have plans to do something, even some small thing like sorting through books, something like that happens to throw me off schedule. And then I'm just depressed for a while after that, and then I don't do much of anything for a while (or worse, I do something very unproductive like go shopping and eat a lot of cookies), and it seems to take me a week or so to get back to where I was to start with.

On top of all that, someone tried to cheer me up by say something like, thank God it's Friday. Only it isn't Friday, it's only Thursday. So that just depressed the both of us more.


The Diva's Thoughts said...

I hate when people are not perceptive enough to leave when they should. Sorry you had to experience that.

laughingattheslut said...

I don't expect someone I've just met to know when to leave me alone, and I don't expect people to be able to read my mind or anything like that. But when it's someone who has known me a long time or my mom or my husband, you would think that those people would know. And if it's not one of those people, but I've already said that I can't deal with this now, so either change the subject or leave...this isn't rocket science, change the subject or leave.

I don't suppose that there are good times to fight, and I don't want to schedule one a week from Wednesday, but there are some especially bad times to fight. And right before one of us has to go to school or go to work or go do something for grandma is not a good time to discuss a subject that nine times out of ten leads to a fight.