Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday Morons--Don't be stupid

I have to listen to my husband say this just about any time I've pointed out that he's wrong about something, or I won't agree to something he wants, etc....

I am tired of the fights and such, and I've told him that I've said what I had to say, and that since he isn't listening I won't be unnecessarily upsetting myself by saying any of it again. So there's no reason to have any serious decisions about anything until he's actually going to change. If he wants to change, he can change. If he wants to continue as he is and pretend that everything is all better, he at least needs to stop doing the things that he already knows upset me before all the major trouble started, and he needs to keep his mouth shut about the rest of it.

So he wanted to talk about something, and I didn't really think that he wanted to talk about anything that was going to upset me. I thought that at most he wanted to talk about the money situation or the job situation or him trying to get his own business started. Whatever.

What he wanted to tell me was that the spare bed was in his way, and he wanted to move it.

This is one of those things that I've already said what I had to say, and he isn't supposed to mention the issue anymore. It's a small thing really, and right now it doesn't really bother me, but he's actually supposed to be sleeping on the spare bed. If anyone should be complaining about anything, I should be complaining that he isn't sleeping on it. But I've gotten used to it and have stopped talking about it. And then he actually has the nerve to tell me that the bed is in his way.

Anyway, even if he doesn't sleep in here regularly anymore, it does make me feel a little better that the bed is here, and that if we ever have a big fight I can kick him out of my room without actually having to kick him out of the house. So there is no way that I'm going to move the bed, much less dismantle it like he wants, and he knows this very well as we have already had this discussion many times before. He either just isn't listening, or he enjoys seeing me upset.

So I didn't get as upset as I have in the past, because it's just not worth it. But I had to repeat myself yet again, point out that the bed is not going to be moved, at least as long as we both live here, and that he really should be sleeping on the bed instead of complaining about it.

And to that he says "Don't be stupid."

That is his response to just about everything when we are fighting, because he doesn't have any rational arguments. There are no points on his side of anything.

If I point out that our current situation is entirely his fault, he might first point out that was "a long time ago." I'm not sure how he thinks he gets points for that. That something was a long time ago just means that a long time has been wasted that might have been spent trying to make things better, so you don't get points, you lose points for wasting more of my time. To that he says "Don't be stupid." Or sometimes he just starts with "Don't be stupid," and skips the rest of his argument.

"Don't be stupid" has also been the answer to "Why didn't you just leave her at the airport?" "Why did you bother calling me and telling me that I was right about everything if you didn't really think that I was right about everything and willing to do what I said?" "Besides the fact that you've done something terribly hurtful and immoral, you went against the court orders to do it." "If you were anyone else I would have called the police and you'd be sitting in jail right now."

There are a lot more things that get the same response, but those are too personal and I won't write them.

Anyway, I never can figure out if he's really this stupid, or if he has some legitimate medical problem that causes memory lose, or if he just likes getting into fights for some reason.


Dame Honoria Glossop said...

I would think that saying "Don't be stupid" just about every time you express an opinion would consitute abusive and controlling behaviour, and also grounds for divorce.

I would be tempted to reply "Well I was stupid enough to listen to you" but I guess that won't help mend anything. Although if I were in your shoes I'm not sure I'd want to mend it at this stage.

dmarks said...

I echo what D.H.G. said about the insulting nature of that statement.

laughingattheslut said...

The last couple of days have been rather nice, but I don't think that he's ever going to get it.