Have your neighbors joined a bookclub, or are they just perverts?

Okay, so someone I know has a blog and he's trying to make money off of the blog with ads and such. Most of these ads just magically appear on his blog. He doesn't choose the ads. The service reads his blog and then decides which ads go where. I don't even think that there's anyone actually reading the blog to select the ads. I think there's just a program that looks for certain words and then matches the blog posts with the whatever ads are available.

So we were all having a bit of a laugh one day when all these ads for sex toys popped up. There was nothing in the recent posts about sex toys. I'm not sure sex toys had ever been mentioned anywhere in the blog. Certainly the word sex is written from time to time, but I wouldn't think that he'd written it enough lately to get anyone's attention.

Anyway, my husband notices that some of the sex toy ads are from Amazon.com. Silly, me. I thought Amazon.com just sold books.

But, a couple of clicks later, and there are several thousand listings for sex toys.

I don't know where some of this stuff is supposed to go or what it is supposed to do. And we're having a good laugh and wondering what cyberskin is. And why is most of this stuff made in such bright colors? You would think that half of this stuff would be skin tones. And you'd think the other half would be white or something boring so that if you didn't look too close you wouldn't know it was a sex toy and maybe just think it was an electric toothbrush or something. But that doesn't appear to be the case. Apparently bright purple is the favorite color.

I haven't seen anything with stripes or polka-dots, but I haven't looked at that many yet.

And why are there remote controls on some of this stuff? That really creates some odd mental pictures. First it made me think of some creepy guy in another room watching someone on a TV screen. My second thought was of a bunch of people in a circle zapping each other like on The Simpsons.

And what is with this glass stuff? I don't want glass anywhere near there. And I wonder if there's a lot of broken glass due to people dropping their sex toys in the shower? That's just really weird.

Oh, wait. Maybe I have seen stuff with stripes and dots. Never mind.

So I'm having a good time looking at the silly things, and my husband asks me something like which one would I want if I was into this stuff. I don't know. Sorry, I was just having a good laugh looking at the pictures. I didn't know I was supposed to be taking notes or anything.

So the next time I see something that looks interesting, I click on it, but I get a message that it is temporarily unavailable. Okay. And the next thing that looks interesting is also unavailable. And I read that a few more times and then I gave up and went to bed.

A few days later there was a box on the doorstep. It's about 11 by 9 by 3 inches. It's a good size box for sending a book or two. And it's from Amazon.com.

Only it doesn't have any books in it.

So I guess he was offering to buy me something cause he'd already bought himself something. I have a good laugh and wait for him to come home so I can tease him about it.

Turns out that he had ordered me something too, only it hadn't arrived yet.

I make a note of when to look for the second mailman who delivers the boxes. I can't have boxes like this just sitting on my doorstep for the whole world to see.

The next day at about the same time I receive another box that is about the right size for a book. Only it is not a book. It was not so vulgar looking as most of the stuff we seen. It was long and shiny, requires 2 AA batteries, and could easily be mistaken for an electric toothbrush or something like that.

Except that it is metallic purple.

Okay, we're off to the drugstore for lubricant, antibacterial soap, etc....

Sometimes, it's the thought that counts. Having never really given this sort of thing much serious thought before, we didn't really know what to order. Now that we get the general idea, maybe something longer for him, maybe something softer and not so long and narrow for me.

And while I was looking at all the silly ads, I did find a mold your own penis kit. It costs about ninety dollars. Right now, I think I'll pass on it.

Think maybe he'll buy me some Victoria Secret stuff now? Wonder if Amazon.com sells that sort of thing?