Thursday, July 02, 2009

My husband locked me out of the house

Seriously.

He was going out to the car, and for some reason, he hit the lock on the front door, and I didn't see him do it. And I followed him out to the car, and I wished him luck and all of that, and he got in the car and started the engine. And I get to the front door just as it is closing. And it's locked.

Crap.

So I yell at him, and he doesn't hear me, and he drives to the stop sign. And I yell at him and run after the car a bit, and he still doesn't hear me. He drives away.

Crap.

Okay, so I'm wearing what rather looks like pajamas (not even matching pajamas), and since the pants don't have pockets I don't have my keys to get in. And I don't have my cell phone, and I don't even have a bottle of water.

Crap.

I'm locked out of my house, in the summer, in Texas, with no cell phone and no water.

After a few minutes I stop and think that isn't exactly true. I do at least have water. I can at least get water out of the garden hose. It is very unlikely that I'm going to die of thirst. I can probably just wait for him to get back.

I don't really want to walk to the office to get someone to unlock the door for me. I think that there's a fee for doing that if it isn't a emergency. This probably doesn't count as an emergency.

Besides, I don't want anyone to see me in these things that look like pajamas, that don't match, and that are starting to rip near the waist.

I can just sit here and wait for him to get back. He will probably be gone about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Maybe two hours if he goes to get something for lunch on the way home. I think that I should try waiting an hour, maybe an hour and a half before I panic and ask someone for help. Cause I really don't want to walk to the office looking like this, and I don't have any money to pay if they decide this is a non-emergency service call.

I'm not wearing a watch. I don't have my cell phone. And I'm certainly not sitting in front of a computer. How am I supposed to know when an hour has past?

Crap.

Okay, if I just sit in the shade and do nothing, I won't get too hot. And I have a few chairs out here. I go and get one and put it in the shade. I sit down and wait.

I can't do it. I can't just sit and do nothing. No book to read. No music to listen to. No one to talk to.

Oh, and the frog lady might see me. The frog lady might see me out here wearing what look like mismatched pajamas.

The frog lady might even come out and talk to me.

I can't just sit here. I have to go out in the backyard and find something to do.

I find an empty milk jug and fill it with water. I could do a bit of gardening. I do have water.

I shovel a bit of dirt. I get hot, but I know that I have water. I don't panic.

I find a plastic cup. It will be easier to drink water from a cup. And I'm supposed to drink two liters of water a day. I guess that won't be a problem today.

I drink some water and shovel a bit more dirt. This might not be so bad. I might end up drinking the whole gallon of water and moving all of this dirt.

It occurs to me that I've been locked out of the house and can't get to the bathroom.

Perhaps this is not the best time to drink a whole gallon of water.

Crap.

I stop shoveling the dirt and weed out the pepper plants instead. That needed to be done anyway, and it isn't as much work as shoveling dirt.

Time for some water and a bit of rest. I go back to the chair in the front yard. I sit in front of the door.

The husband comes home.

"Why are you sitting out here?"

"You locked me out of the house."

He thinks that is very funny.

Of course he thinks it is funny. I had really been afraid, and he thinks it is funny. Everything is a joke.

Okay, it was a little bit funny.

Still, if it had been the other way around, I wouldn't have locked him out of the house. I would have kept watching him until he went inside the house, so I would have noticed something was wrong and not driven away.

I ended up being locked out of my house for almost exactly an hour. The pepper plants have been weeded, and I moved half a mound of dirt.

3 comments:

Ananda girl said...

Crap! is right. I hate that feeling. I locked myself out of the school with my purse, cell phone and car keys on the other side of the door. I could see them, but not get to them. It was very frustrating and upsetting.

But it also wasn't summer in Texas and no one could see me where I was if I was in mis-matched p.j.s.

Well, you have my sympathy... but to be honest, I did giggle a little. It's funnier when its not you being locked out. ;)

laughingattheslut said...

It is also a lot funnier when it is ten hours later, and nothing bad happened anyway.

No one saw me. Okay, probably the lady across the street saw me. But the neighbor I was avoiding didn't see me, and the people at the office didn't see me, and I didn't have to go begging to use the phone or any of that other embarrassing stuff.

dmarks said...

So the "frog lady" did not corner you? It'd be harder to get away this time.

Good post, you remembered all the details... almost as if you were locked outside the house with no cell or keys, but you did have your laptop.

The pepper plants thank you, I am sure.