Thursday, March 20, 2008

The trip so far Part 1

I am so into art class that I don't think about stuff like Spring Break. That's a week that I'm not allowed to go to school, rather than a week that I don't have to go to school. Since it is an art course and I do not need the credit, I suppose that all weeks are weeks that I don't have to go to school. Right now I just like going to school.

So I was like really looking forward to doing anything this week, and just asked my husband if he happened to be scheduled for anything interesting this week. Turned out that he was scheduled to work in Tyler. Tyler is a place that we've been to so many times that it really is no big deal. We like the place, but we've already seen and done most of what we would care about.

Still, once I had the idea of going away for the week, it seemed like a good idea. I started to look forward to some time off.

Last year was rather the opposite. I was looking forward to spending time away with my husband, but I was also a bit concerned about leaving for the week. There seemed to be a zillion things that might go wrong. I wanted to go, but I worried about going for the two or three weeks before that. And I had this awful feeling as we drove away from the house. Nothing bad happened while we were away, but it took me awhile to relax and enjoy the trip.

So this year I was planning this trip that was no big deal and not that far away, and while I was looking forward to having a rest, it wouldn't have really upset me to stay home either. Until the week before, we hadn't made any special plans. And then a few days before we left we decided that there were a few things that we wanted to do and decided to leave a couple of days early.

And then the day before we left little things started to go wrong. The house is always a mess, but it seemed to be more of a mess than usual because I'd kind of tossed a few thing around a bit while I was looking for something. So now instead of stacks of boxes and piles of clothes, it's more of a big heap of clothes and boxes and other stuff all together. So I meant to at least straighten that out on Saturday, in case there was some emergency that would require someone to actually go inside the house, but that didn't get done. I remembered that it was a club day and that I was expected to be in Irving. So I thought that I would just make an appearance at the meeting and then only stay for an hour or two and not go to dinner or a movie or any of the usual stuff. Just say hi to my friends and see what was going on and then duck out early. Only that didn't happen because one of my friends was taken to the hospital. So I stayed for the whole meeting so that I could go with the group afterwards to visit the friend in the hospital.

After I got home I got a call from my brother inviting us over Sunday to watch the Stargate DVD. Only we can't go Sunday cause we'll be out of town already. So we go over Saturday night. And I had to tell him about the friend in the hospital anyway.

So I ended up having a full day on Saturday and not getting anything done except for packing.

Sunday I have this awful feeling that I shouldn't go on the trip. This is stupid. We're only going to Tyler. It is no big deal. But I feel awful. I actually say the words "I don't want to go." But that's really stupid. I put my stuff in the van and we go.

We drive for a couple of hours, but I feel anxious. I often feel this way now when I leave the house. I keep thinking things like I've left the stove on. It doesn't matter that haven't cooked anything on it all week and that my husband used the stove the day before and must have turned it off and properly put everything away then, I still keep thinking that I might have left the stove on. Or maybe I left the water running, or maybe I didn't lock the back door. Something.

But this time it seems worse than usual. My friend is dying, but I don't really think that's it. My friend has been dying for a long time, and now that he's probably actually going to die, I think it's okay that I'll be out of town because I got to see him the day he went back to the hospital. It seems like I don't usually get that opportunity. Someone dies while I'm out of town, and I didn't even know that the person was sick, or a person dies suddenly in an accident before any of us are told to get to the hospital. So I got to see him Saturday, and some more people will go to see him Sunday and Monday, and if he dies while I'm gone, that's okay. I got to see him before I left.

I still feel bad during the drive. I don't really know why.

3 comments:

Dame Honoria Glossop said...

Hope your trip turns out to be good, Laughing, and that you enjoy yourself.

I wish your friend a gentle and peaceful passing.

Honoria G xx

The Diva's Thoughts said...

I hope you have a good time anyway.

It's tough when you feel anxious about soemthing but don't know what or why.

dmarks said...

I hope you have nice weather there and Tyler is getting to look nice for spring.