Monday, September 25, 2006

Sluts R Us

I finally bought something at the Sluts R Us store.

Okay, the name of store is not really Sluts R Us, but you get the idea. It's all thongs and corsets and Leg Avenue stuff. And a bunch of shoes that most real people can't walk in. Most of their regular costumers must be exotic dancers.

But they do get a lot of extra business around Halloween, which is when I usually go in and take a look around. Otherwise, I don't have much use for the place. Bras and sometimes even corsets can be obtained at Walmarts and Targets, and the occasional trip to Victoria's Secret will usually get me anything else I might want. I really only know about the Sluts R Us store because it is right next to the bookstore.

But, as October nears, I tend to go in and look around. My witch costume would look so much better if I added that corset, or I might think about wearing that skin tight thing over there if I lose five more pounds, or maybe this outfit and some cat ears might be nice.

Of course, I never actually buy any of it, even for Halloween. Halloween is a big deal among my friends, and we rarely just buy off the rack. Bought costumes are the last resort, like if you couldn't finish the costume you were working on cause you broke your arm or something.

Still, you could buy pieces of the costume here, like that corset that goes so well with the witch outfit. But I rarely give serious thought to buying anything here, just because I think this stuff is too expensive.

But yesterday I found some nylons that I just had to have, and they were only two dollars. Most of their nylons are closer to ten dollars, so I couldn't believe my luck. I bought two of them.

Well, they are supposed to be one size fits all. Of course, we all know that is nonsense. "All" is defined here as 5 foot to 5 foot 10 inches or 100 pounds to 165 pounds. I fit pretty much square in the middle of all that, so when I put this on I should look just like the model on the package (at least from the waist down), right?


These are footless lace tights. On the picture, the lace starts just above the ankle. So a person shorter than me should maybe have her ankles covered and a person taller than me should have a few more inches of leg showing. And on my legs, the nylons should look just the way they are represented in this picture.

But instead, my legs are exposed nearly to my knees.

These just won't do at all.

And there's no way that a woman five inches taller or 30 pounds heavier could even fit into these things.

Back to the drawing board. Or back to Targets to look for some better fitting nylons at least.

Happy Halloween.
And happy costume hunting.

No comments: