Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Annual Physical

Okay. Today is the dreaded day, but I'm a grown woman and this is going to be no big deal. One of life's little annoyances. I get it over with today, hopefully get a clean bill of health, and another year's supply of birth control pills and things of that nature.

I don't waste time talking to a friend at school. It would have been a good day to have a nice long chat, but no, I have a schedule to keep. I left at 11:30 and got on a freeway that I rarely use, because the exam is three towns away from the college.

At 12:00 I got off of the freeway. At 12:05 I buy a taco and a large Coke. I don't really need the calories in the large Coke, but I deserve something with lots of sugar to make up for the rest of this awful day.

At 12:45 I am at the clinic. Perfect timing. There's usually a form to fill out, and my appointment is at 1:00. I sign in and take a seat.

At 1:05 a woman is trying to get her little girl to behave. The little girl keeps going to get magazines for people who don't want them. I'd like a magazine. She brings me a phone book. Nice.

At 1:35 not only has my name not been called, but they haven't given me any forms to fill out. There are usually forms to fill out. Did they forget about me?

At 1:40 the receptionist tells me that I do not need to fill out any forms because I was there for something else a few months ago, and those forms only need to be filled out once a year. And I'll be the next one called.


At 2:15 my name is finally called. Come this way, please. Could you step on the scale, please. Could you give us a urine sample?


2:20--Thank you. Could you please go to the next room and have a seat on the blue chair? Thank you. Now, could you look this over and tell us if there have been any changes since your last visit? Thank you. Now if you'll roll up your sleeve we'll get your blood pressure. Thank you. Now if you'll disrobe and put this on with the opening in front and put this over your legs, the doctor will be with you shortly. Thank you.

2:40--Thank you for waiting. Your blood pressure seems a little high. Any reason for that? I see. We'll have to have that checked again soon. Also, since you've reached the magic age of 40, you'll have to have a mammogram within the next three months, but we don't do those here. Please pick up a referral list before you leave. Are you experiencing any other problems that we might help you with?

I don't think so.

2:45--Now if you'll just take a deep breath. Breath in, breath out. And again. And again. One more time. Thank you. Now if you'll move down to the edge of the table and put your feet here. Thank you. Now this is going to feel a bit cold. Almost done now. Just a couple more things. Okay. Now there's this last thing that we advise now that you've reached the magic age of 40....


Okay, fine, get it over with.

2:55--Now you can get dressed, and I'll be right back to take some of your blood.

3:00--Okay, this is going to sting a little. Oh, that's going to leave a bruise. Here, hold this down tight. Got plenty of blood for the tests now. Blood just popped right out. We should know in a couple of weeks if anything is wrong, and you'll need to get your cholesterol checked in a week or so. Just don't eat anything that morning before you come in. Okay, all done. Don't forget the referral list on your way out.

3:05--Okay, that will be two hundred and four dollars.


Rachel said...

$204.00 ???? Are you kidding me? Nice that you had to wait over an hour to even be seen. That is horrible.
I hate those kinds of visits.
I don't even want to think about how much a mammogram would cost.

laughingattheslut said...

Well, that included three packs of pills and some lab work. But somehow it was still more than I expected.

I meant to spend the rest of the day getting tags for the car and stuff like that, but I have to wait til Friday cause I don't have enough money left now.

I was told that the mammogram would set me back about $120. I'm not sure if that's expensive or not. I've never had one before. The last time I paid attention to such things I heard a place that had them for like fifty, but that was a while back, and I was thinking more about my mom than me.

I'll probably have to go to a different doctor for another problem, so while I'm there maybe I can find out if that is a fair price or if they know of some place less expensive.

It does seem like last year it cost about half what I paid this year. But this year I had more labwork done. Or maybe I'm just remembering it wrong. Or maybe I'm just stressed about everything and this just seemed like yet another unfair thing to deal with.

The Diva Tee's Thoughts said...

I absolutely HATE dr. exams. UGH! I was told that now that I hit the magical ago of 40 I need a mammogram as well. Why does that scare the hell out of me?!

laughingattheslut said...

Maybe because someone is going to squish the nice size breasts that took decades to grow (and I am really happy with) into horizontal pancake things?

Maybe cause I'm afraid I'll be there on a day that they're training a new person?

And what happens if the power goes off during the procedure?

Oh, and there is always the possibility that they might actually find a lump.

David in DC said...

Playing doctor sure was more fun when we were kids. :)

laughingattheslut said...

I was wondering if any of the guys would touch this one.

nobodyinparticular said...

Not really, other than the mammogram always sounded to me like something so "un fun" that they should pay you to have one. Not something you should pay to experience.